Getting in the holiday spirit — one way or another
Hello hookers. The holidays are upon us, and I am trying to get in the holiday spirit. I refuse to be The Grinch this year, so I am going to get into the holiday spirit — even if I gotta blow an elf to do so. I’d settle for a little person wearing Spock ears.
As I get older, I’m noticing that I am stupid emotional over everything. Between that Xfinity E.T. commercial and the last 10 minutes of the movie Scrooged, I was a blubbering idiot the other day. I swear, all it takes for me to get a lump in my throat — which is a precursor to me full on crying — is a building orchestra. Damn Dolly and her Heartstrings!
I think there is something broken inside me that doesn’t let me show emotion like a normal person. Hell, I can’t even take a compliment! The other day someone told me I looked nice, and my response was, “Thanks Fag.”
How hard would it have been to just say thanks? For me, damn near impossible.
When I’m trying to speak about something that gets me emotional, like my husband or my dogs, I have to stop talking for a moment. I have to look like I am choking before I can finish what I am trying to say. I blame growing up in a world where boys were told, “Boys don’t cry,” and you got called a pussy if you did.
That is not my world anymore. No one judges me anymore for showing emotion. If anything, I’m encouraged to show emotion to prove I’m not a complete monster. The only time I remember bawling as a kid and not getting judged was when my Mom took a huge group of us to see E.T. The group included my aunt Zina, who was literally a blubbering mess by the end of the movie — and that made me feel okay with openly blubbering with her. Our entire family cried. FYI: I was the only boy. I think if any other males would have been with us, I would have held it in like a fart in an elevator.
We really need to remove that stigma. We have to stop telling boys that if you show emotion you are somehow weak. It takes a strong person to own their feelings. Anger I have on lock, but I can definitely work on the emotions that include my heart.
I think my favorite emotion is laughter through tears. Do you remember the first time you saw Steel
Magnolias? Then you know exactly what I am talking about.
When you are crying, you are right on the cusp of madness, and laughing is right there with it. It’s the strangest mental state. You almost feel insane. Maybe that is why I make so many inappropriate comments and laugh at funerals. Crying and laughing are so close together on the emotional spectrum. One can lead to the other so quickly — or is that just me? If it is just me, that proves my wires are screwy.
Years ago at my Pawpaw’s funeral, I had a tears/laughter experience. The guy that volunteered to sing “Amazing Grace,” in my opinion, had no business singing anything, much less at my Pawpaw’s funeral. I know the guy really loved my Pawpaw and wanted to honor him by singing, but my messy ass couldn’t stop laughing. He was awful, and I think he made up some of the lyrics. I looked over, and my sister was giggling and shaking her head. Then I saw my cousins — Jeremy, Kevin and Jon — all cracking up, so I know it wasn’t just me. Pawpaw would have laughed too, I bet, but he would have told us to behave while he was smiling. My heart was so heavy that day, but our uncontrollable giggling, to me, was a way to honor a man that had a great sense of humor.
The laughter through tears thing can sneak up on you. At least, it does for my broken self. It was so weird: We were seeing Kathy Griffin live once when she was here in Dallas years ago, way before all the Trump drama. She was hilarious. She was making jokes about meeting one of the hundreds of celebrities she had talked shit about, and, while laughing really hard, my mind briefly wandered to someone special I had recently lost, and I started sobbing. No one noticed; apparently my laughing face and my crying face are pretty similar.
That’s what I mean by they are so close on the emotional spectrum. Laughing hard and crying hard are almost in the same head space for me.
Does anybody else feel that way, or am I as nuts as I think I am? Y’all let me know. Test it. Next time you are laughing really hard, think of something insanely sad and see how easy it is for your emotions to swing. It doesn’t happen often for me, but it happens. I swear I am not bipolar; it usually only happens with extreme emotions.
Oh my God, I sound fucking crazy.
What do you do to get in the Christmas spirit? I think we put too much pressure on ourselves to feel festive and get in the holiday mood. I think part of the problem is all the hype and buildup before the holidays, so that by the time the holidays are actually here, we are so ready for them to be over.
I sound jaded, but it is true. Two solid months of Christmas everywhere you look kind of dulls the shine.
But like I said, I refuse to be a Grinch this year. So bring on the Christmas music, and I promise not to be that bitch! I am going to enjoy this season. I even bought pumpkin spice lube, and it only burns a little.
I promise to laugh till I cry and only make a few inappropriate jokes — nah, just kidding! Inappropriate jokes are my bread and butter. I am going to keep being my same annoying self but now with more hugs.
I will try to tone down my sarcasm, and I can almost promise not to punch any children. It is Christmas, and I am full of it … the Christmas spirit, that is. I’m going to jingle all the bells and lay me half a dozen geese. And for all those that have been worried about me and that pesky vertigo, I’m doing much better, thank you.
Remember to always love more, bitch less and be merry. XOXO, Cassie Nova
