Happy autumn, ’hos!
Hello, heathens. Fall is finally here. It is my favorite time of year. I don’t care that everything is pumpkin spiced — I can’t wait to enjoy a hot toddy while sitting outside next to a roaring fire. Or even better: hot chocolate with whipped cream-flavored vodka. Or melt Red Hots in apple cider and top with caramel flavored vodka. Or Bailey’s Irish Cream in a piping hot mug of coffee. Or just a straight shot of Tito’s from the bottle… oh fuck, I’m an alcoholic.
Now that we are all liquored up, let’s respond to some emails that I have gotten in the past few months. I swear I haven’t been ignoring you, I just needed to marinate on my answers before I responded.
First off, I have received many inquiries (OK, three) from up-and-coming drag queens asking advice on how to get their foot in the door and start getting bookings. Dammit, children: Do you not read this column religiously? I swear I get asked the same questions over and over, and I have answered them over and over again. So let me sum it up:
1. Paint yourself and do everything for yourself — you learn more that way.
2. Volunteer to perform at benefits so you can get your name out there. If it is for a good cause, that helps with your karma.
3. Support the shows you want to be a part of.
4. Hang out and befriend other young drag queens. You will learn more from your sisters than you will from any YouTube video.
5. Don’t be a cunt!
That last one is important. I know it’s kinda hypocritical coming from me, but I worked hard for my cuntness. Truth is, there were a few girls that started doing the amateur night who were actually pretty good, but after I complimented them (I was out of drag and they had no idea who I was) they were quite rude. I told one she did awesome after her number one night, and she looked at me like she was smelling shit and said, “Duh!” It took years before I could see her as anything but a little bitch. She was young and immature when this happened but has since grown to be a great entertainer and a nicer person… but while I am not built like an elephant, I never forget.
Truth be told, I’m not sure how many of these younger queens would be nice to me at all if I wasn’t in the position I am. But I try to take people at face value; if you are genuinely nice to me, I am nice to you. I was, after all, voted “most friendly” in high school. Hand to God. Me! Most friendly. I know… hilarious!
Dear Cassie, My boyfriend of three years (living together for two of those) refuses to tell his family about us. He claims to be close to his mother but won’t tell her that we are a couple. My family knows everything. They are very accepting. It hurts my feelings and makes me feel like he is ashamed of me. What should I do? Thanks, L.B.
Dear L.B., First off, everyone’s family dynamics are different. You can’t judge his family by how your family has treated you. If he’s close to his mother, she knows, but not everyone talks about things openly. Do they even know he’s gay?
Second, your boyfriend’s journey to acceptance with himself sounds like it is not where you are. All you can do is be there for him if and when he decides to open up to them. Sometimes it’s best not to rock the boat, but eventually it all comes out into the light. Does he show his love for you in different ways? Have you told him you are hurt by him not owning up to being with you, or are you just expecting him to know? Don’t assume he knows your feelings; say what you want to say and talk about it. Good luck, Cassie.
Dear Cassie, What is your favorite song to perform? Is there a song you hate to do but still do? Signed, Dragfan69.
Dear Dragfan69, My all-time favorite song to perform is “Dreams” by Grace Slick. I fell in love with the song when I was a drag baby but only perform it on special occasions. I think I last did it as Pennywise a few Halloweens ago. Those big dramatic songs bring me the most joy onstage, but Cassie Nova is supposed to be funny and light-hearted, so I don’t do the dramatics all that often. I should do those kind of songs more. I miss weird, goth Cassie with the crazy contacts.
If I absolutely hate a song, I refuse to even learn it, let alone do it in the show. I will say that many of the songs that I have been doing for years are like going on auto-pilot. I know the crowd loves these songs, and I usually make money off of them, but my joy level is minimal. I hate to say it, but the songs I’m talking about are usually by Meghan Trainor. I like her just fine, but you know…
I know it’s stupid but my favorite songs are always the ones the crowd is singing along to. I can’t go wrong with Kelly, Carrie or Gretchen. It’s like a sing-a-long every time!
Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova.
L.B. everyone’s journey is different. I could list dozens of valid have reasons why he doesn’t introduce you to his family. Maybe it’s not about you but it’s about them. Maybe he’s protecting you from them. Like I said there could be dozens of reasons. But pressuring him will only damage your relationship. Stop making it about you and let it be about him. Just enjoy the love he shows you and the time you have together. I’ve been openly gay for 45 years. In those 45 years I’ve had five long-term relationships. Out of those five relationships I only have introduced two of them to my family even though the shortest relationship was five years. The longest 18 years. Sometimes they weren’t introduced because it was about them. Sometimes it was about my family. That may not have been helpful but it’s the truth. But one thing I’m pretty sure of is pressuring him will only damage the relationship. Just enjoy the love he gives you and let him take his own journey.