Cassie cautions not to overthink

What’s up, nerds? I have had a busy, fun-filled week. My husband had a few days off, so we tried a few things that we have been wanting to try.

First, we went kayaking. I have always joked about how un-athletic I am, but I think I have done a huge disservice to myself. I think I feared looking stupid, so it kept me from wanting to try things that might be a challenge. My other half has tried for years to get me to go kayaking, so I finally decided to take the plunge. We bought matching kayaks that look amazingly cute on top of my car, and headed to the south side of Joe Pool Lake. There is an area there that isn’t super deep and has a lot of small islands to explore. We went early in the morning to beat the summer heat. Thank God for cloudy days.

I ended up really liking it and surprised myself with the fact that I wasn’t totally terrible at it. It was a great workout but not so much that I couldn’t lift my arms the next day. In my head, I figured I would not be able to steer the little boat and that I would get away from the shore and my arms would give out and turn to jelly. Overthinking got the better of me. It was very peaceful in the early morning — birds singing, fish jumping and the beautiful sound of a cow giving birth or being murdered in the distance. Overall, it was a great way to start the day.

The next day, our good friends Tyler and Brandon invited us to go to The Secret Chamber in Fort Worth. No, it was not a sex club like I had hoped, but rather an escape room. It was so freaking cool! You and your group get locked in one of their themed rooms and you have 60 minutes to figure out how to get out. You look around for clues and solve puzzles to figure out how the exit. We did the Cthulhu Chamber, based on H.P. Lovecraft’s mythology. The room and all of its hidden glory looked like a beautiful library in an old mansion. The attention to detail was amazing. I felt like I was in an episode of Scooby-Doo where you pull out the right book and it opens a secret passage. It really was a team-building exercise — it took us all working together to figure out all the clues in time.

I started to get nervous when I realized we spent almost 30 minutes to find the first item we needed, but something about that ticking clock lights a fire under your ass and makes you bust your butt and your brain to get out. We did it with only 19 seconds left on the clock. We felt like total badasses — nerdy badasses, but badasses just the same. I totally recommend doing it. Not a bad way to spend a random Thursday evening.

OK, enough about me and my fabulosity. Let me help some of those poor unfortunate souls.

Dear Cassie Nova, I need advice. Dating in our community has a few different dynamics than my straight friends have knowledge of. I don’t have many gay friends, so I thought I’d reach out to you/our community! I have always been in long relationships, so I’m kind of out of practice with dating. Yes, dating, not Grindr’ing. Anyway, here are the questions: What are some good date ideas/locations? Also, who pays — I’m a top, so is it me or do we go Dutch? How is the issue even approached? More importantly, what the hell do I talk about on the date? I get nervous on dates, and when I don’t know someone, conversation is somewhat forced if I have to take the lead with it. Once I know someone, I’m good, it’s just that when I’m attracted to a guy and I don’t know him, I have a little anxiety. In all other areas of life, I’m the life of the party. So what do I talk about? (Please answer all of the questions.) Thanks, Robert

Dear Robert, First off, dude, chill the fuck out. You are overthinking all of it. Stop putting so much pressure on your own antiquated concept of dating. Let me answer your questions in order: Where and what to do on a good date: That’s easy — what do you like to do? If you are trying to get to know someone, do something that speaks to you. Ask the guy you want to go out with about his likes and dislikes — are there any in common you both like? Keep it simple for a first date — dinner and a movie are classic. Again, don’t overthink it. I once had a guy take me to one of those bungee rides. I don’t remember much about him, but I remember the ride. You want him to remember you first and what you did second.

Who pays: Regardless of who is top and who is whatever, if you ask someone out, expect to pay. If the guy insists on paying half, let him. Volunteer to pay and if he tries to pay, tell him that he can pay the next time. That is a great way to start a conversation about whether there will be a second date. If it’s going horribly and you find out he is an asshole, make him pay for his half. It’s kind of a dick move, but you should never reward bad behavior.

Finally, what to talk about: Whatever comes up. Ask open-ended questions to get the guy taking. Just keep in mind, you are trying to get to know each other, not interrogating a prisoner. Sprinkle the conversation with compliments, but try not to be creepy with them. Don’t make everything sexual. Relax and enjoy yourself. A little anxiety is a good thing, it means you actually like the guy. Think of it as butterflies in your stomach. Its adrenalin and excitement — it’s a good thing. If you don’t get those feelings, then you probably won’t last as a couple. I know it is hard to put yourself out there, but don’t be your own worst enemy. Get out of your head and put yourself out there. Good luck, Cassie.

Hi Cassie! 1. You’re an inspiration to the community. Thank you. Forever. 2. How do drag queens get their last name? I see a lot of O’Haras and Davenports. I think it has something to do with mentoring, am I right? What is the exact science? 3. On a final note, I’ve been to other drag shows in Texas, and Dallas surpasses expectations. I am truly blessed to find myself in such a city.  My love to all y’all, Joshua.

Dear Joshua, I can’t thank you enough for your kind words, and I agree about Dallas drag. We are quite spoiled here. As far as how girls get their last names, there is no science to it, but choosing a drag name is a big deal. A lot of young queens sometimes choose a last name based on who they want to emulate and who they have a connection with. Some queens give themselves the last name of an established entertainer without the drag mother’s consent in hopes of furthering their fan base or gaining notoriety. The truth is, it’s up to the individual to choose a name. So choose wisely because if you are lucky you will forever be known as that person. If I took the last name of those that inspired me, my name would be Cassie Martinez-Lohr-DeVille-Coco-Paige-Savage-Andrews-Kohl-Nova. And my name would continue to grow like Elizabeth Taylor’s.

Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition September 01, 2017.