Cassie gets in (and out) of the holiday season

Hello, my pretties! ’Tis the season of good tidings, mistletoe and other cliché Christmas crap. I am not saying I am a Scrooge or a Grinch, but when y’all start playing Christmas music the day after Halloween, by the time Christmas actually gets here, I just want it to be over. When I was a kid I never in a million years thought I would say anything close to that, but as an adult I feel I have been ass-raped by Santa’s candy cane by the time the joyous day actually arrives.

To be honest, I love Christmas, but I only have a good two weeks of Christmas cheer in me … that have to split it up into about seven weeks’ worth of celebrations. I love (non-Hallmark Channel) Christmas movies — you know, the classics: A Christmas Story, Christmas Vacation, Die Hard and Scrooged. I remember seeing Scrooged in the theater with my mom, and at the end, when they sing, “Put A Little Love In Your Heart,” I swear the entire theater was clapping and singing along — so corny, but I got emotional. That was a great Christmas memory.

Have you watched The Christmas Chronicles on Netflix? It’s goofy and sweet and awful and wonderful all at the same time. Perfect kids movie but I will say: Kurt Russell as Santa Claus …damn, he looked fine AF. His beard did something to me. Hot daddy alert! My fat ass would like to sit on his lap and talk about the first thing that pops up. Now I feel dirty.

I actually like some Christmas music. Jessie J, Kelly Clarkson and Cyndi Lauper all have kick-ass Christmas albums. But none of them are as good as the best damn Christmas album of all time: Kenny & Dolly’s Once Apon A Christmas from like 1986. One song, “A Christmas to Remember,” talks about hooking up and having sex after just meeting then right into a song about the blessed birth of Jesus. I love it. Seriously, it is a great album.

The best Christmas gift I ever received was from my mother: a Pomeranian puppy I named Dax. That gift changed my life forever. I owe every bit of happiness I have in my life today to that dog. He took away so much loneliness and desperation I was feeling at the time and opened my heart up to love and be loved. I know I have probably written about that before, but I will share that story every chance I get. There is nothing like the love of a furbaby.

Oh, shit. I just realized I am doing the same thing I was just bitching about: forcing Christmas down your throat … and it is just the first week of December. Oh well, at least I waited until December. I’m talking to you Wal-Mart. Now let’s see if we can help some folks out!

Dear Cassie, I have been a fan of yours for several years now. I no longer live in Dallas, but I read your column all the time. I could use some advice. I separated from my partner a few years ago and have since gotten a divorce. I’m almost 30 now, and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere anymore. I’m very shy and have an extremely hard time meeting people. My past relationships have destroyed my self-esteem and my trust in people. I have been cheated on much that I’m not sure I can ever trust again. Do you have any advice to make help take away this feeling? Thanks, Signed Lonely in Houston.

Dear L in H, First off, thank you for being a fan. I truly appreciate it. Now do I have any advice that can take away what you are feeling? No, I am not some godlike being, regardless of what you have heard. Have you tried alcohol? Just kiddin’. Being cheated on sucks big time and, unfortunately, can have a lasting effect on your emotions. Men can be the most horrible creatures on the planet, but they can also be the most wonderful; you just gotta give them the chance. Easy to say, harder to put into practice.

Earlier I talked about how getting a dog helped change my heart. Do you have a dog? You should think about getting one if not. Taking a dog to the dog park is a great way to start talking to guys. It’s hard to be shy when you have a dog as your wing-man. Make sure he or she is well trained. Your dog is a reflection of you — if they don’t like your dog, they won’t like you.

Volunteer at some place that means something to you. It’s a great way to meet like-minded individuals that could lead to great friendships or more. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself to meet a guy and hurry into a relationship. Desperation looks good on no one ever.

I know you are shy but you have to take risks. Force yourself to smile at someone you don’t know just to be friendly. Send a message to someone you are interested in on Facebook or Insta, just asking if they want to hang out sometime. I know it’s hard and uncomfortable to put yourself out there, but where there’s no risk there’s no reward. Good luck and chin up. Don’t self-sabotage. You can’t fill your heart with love if you don’t open it up. Love, Cassie.

Dear Cassie, I have been doing drag for almost a year now, and I love it. I need some advice on what to do when you know someone is sitting in the audience and they hate you and talk shit about you all the time. It makes me uncomfortable. What should I do? Thank you, New2dis.

Dear New2dis, Bitch please, if you ain’t hated you ain’t doin’ it right. Doing drag, either you develop a thicker skin or quit. I get it though — you want love and adoration, but when you know someone is in the audience reading you, it can affect you in one of two ways. Either you get in your head too much and it keeps you from enjoying yourself, or you can use it as fuel and kill it onstage.

I guarantee you that every performer has dealt with this: it is just part of the game. But there is no greater feeling than succeeding at your craft while your haters look on. Always do your best and let them read you from where? The audience… while you are in the spotlight! Eat my glitter, bitch!

Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova.