boys will be boys (gay or straight)
Hello, all. Reality television has ruined me. Last week, a huge group of drag queens, trans women, gay boys and lesbian girls all went out to Uncle Julio’s to celebrate the birthday of Sasha Andrews. It sounds like the perfect storm for some ridiculous Real Housewives/Jersey Shore bullshit. But not one drink was flung in someone face, not one table was overturned. The only thing resembling drama was when the waiter brought extra Mexican butter for the fajitas and both Sasha and I reached for the little cup of golden goodness. A reality show bitch woulda snatched it and poured it over the other girl’s head with some very telenovela flare. God, real life is so boring.
I am joking, of course. We actually had a really great time. I am thankful that we don’t have more drama than we do. Every once in a while, one of us will be a petty princess and blow something stupid into a big deal, but once the beef is squashed, we actually feel closer. Funny how that works.
Now let me squash some of your beef. (That sounds weird. Where did that saying come from? Squash some beef? Sounds sexual. Anyhoo…)
Dear Cassie, I am a single mom of two beautiful boys. One is 11 and the other is about to turn 15. Before my first son was born, my girlfriends and I would go to the gay bars all the time. I remember seeing you in the old Rose Room. Those were the days. I love my gays. I was kind of a chubby gal but at the gay bar I danced with all of the hot guys with no judgment. I wouldn’t exactly call myself a fag hag, but I never felt more me than when I did around my gays.
The reason I am writing is because I know in my heart that my older son is gay and I have a few questions I’m not sure who else to ask. I’ve told him over and over that I will love him and support him no matter what, but lately he has become very secretive. He used to tell me just about everything. Now it seems like I am the last person he wants to talk to. What can I do to get him to open up to me?
The other question I have is about his masturbating. He does it all of the time. No one showers or poops that much. I’ve walked in on him twice while he was… you know. How much is too much? Should I say something? I’m not sure how I would even start that conversation. Thanks in advance for any advice you can give me. I hope to come out and see you soon. Take care, Deborah.
Dearest Deborah, First off I want to say thank you for being so loving and accepting of having gay child. The reason I am not even asking if you are sure he is gay is because a mother always knows. My mom knew I was gay from the time I was 4 or 5. She tells me that now, but at the time, and all through my youth, she ignored that feeling and pushed back the truth. Your son is lucky.
As far as him being secretive, that’s normal. Keep an open dialogue with him and remind him that he can come to you with everything. Pushing too hard, though, could make him shut down even more. I can’t imagine being a kid in this day and age with social media and the state of the world. The best thing you can do is remain open and willing to talk to him about anything. Think before you speak, because teenagers are volatile creatures and freak out over the smallest slip of the tongue.
Take him to see the movie Love, Simon or buy him the book it is based on, Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda. It is such a great story and an important one. For a movie about a boy in high school dealing with coming out to have a wide release warms my heart. It is even playing in places like Mansfield and Waxahachie. I can only imagine how different things would have been for me if I saw a movie like Love, Simon at 15. It could open a dialogue and make things easier to talk about.
Now, on the subject of your son spanking it: You need to shut up and act like it is no big deal. It is normal. From the time I was 13 until I was 17, I beat my meat like I hated it at least three times a day. It is an important part of growing up and maturing. It’s about self-discovery more than it is about self-satisfaction. Please don’t think that because he is gay he does it more. Boys, gay or straight, become filthy gross individuals during this time but it really is normal.
When I was his age, let’s just say if my hands were made of wood and my dick was made of sand paper, I’d be nothin’ but nubs. Or I would have caught on fire by now. Buy that boy a lock for his bedroom door and a big bottle of lotion and give the boy some privacy. One of the worst memories in my life was my mother walking in on me spanking it. And that was just last week. Just kidding; I was probably your son’s age and it haunts me to this day. It was so horribly embarrassing for both of us. We did not make eye contact with each other for more than a month. She did start knocking after that. The best thing you can do is act like you never saw anything.
Your boys sound lucky to have you. Remember it is more important for you to be their parent, and less important to be their friend. Good parents always end up being a friend to their child. Not to freak you out, but you do realize that in less than two years, you will have two teenagers. Good luck, you are gonna need it. Oh, and come back to the Rose Room. We would love to see you! Cassie.
Dear Cassie, I have a friend that does nothing but post how horrible things are in his life on Facebook. It makes me never want to talk to him or be around him. Does that make me a horrible person? I try to post comments like “keep your head up” or “it will get better,” but it is exhausting. WWCND? Thanks, Todd.
Dear Todd, Miss Thang, I swear I was just saying this same thing to someone. We all have those friends that wah-wah all over Facebook. I’m broke, no one loves me, feline AIDS is the number one killer of domestic cats. It is always something. Kind of reminds me of the boy who cried wolf. How do you know when your friend is really in need if they are always in need… of attention!
I think some people thrive off of others telling them things are going to be OK. It’s a way to get attention. A way to fish for sympathy. Now, I hope you know when your friends are really in need and you are there for them, but for these constant Debbie Downers.I just roll my eyes and keep scrolling.
Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova.