Who you callin’ chicken?

Hey, y’all. Recently, I have been seeing a lot of posts on social media about Chick-fil-a and how they have given butt loads of money to anti-LGBT groups. Shocker! We have known that since 2012 when the CEO of the company said they were against gay marriage and gay rights. Back then, a lot of my gay brothers and sisters, and many of our straight allies, started a personal ban on eating there — my husband and I among those that swore off the devil chicken.

It pissed me off to no end, because I fucking love their food. Their spicy chicken sandwich was so good. Back then, one of the things that bothered me most was how many of my gay friends didn’t care that they gave money to help make sure us gays could never get married — they just wanted their delicious waffle fries. Like they were some kind of cutting-edge gay rebels: “I don’t give a fuck what anybody says!” I guess it surprised me.

I know that the restaurants are franchised, and not all of the owners feel the same as the CEO, but I still refuse to be a Chick-no-gay patron. They opened one here in Midlothian, and it is always busy. Hell, even the one down the street from the gayborhood is always packed. I know that my not eating there is not going to make a bit of difference to their bottom line, but I just can’t bring myself to go there except on Sunday. (That’s a joke —they are closed on Sunday… the Lord’s day and all.)

I know that there are many companies that are anti-LGBT, and if I boycotted all of them I would probably starve to death and die naked. But once I know that a company spends millions to upset my way of life, I am done with them.

I did a little research, and I have come to the conclusion that I will go to Target, use Tide, order on Amazon and eat at Chipotle. I will support companies that support us. I know much of this is hypocritical, and I am sure people will want to argue with me no matter what company I say I am for or against. But at least I feel like I am doing something.

Some days it feels like the entire world is against us. Other days it seems like we are accepted everywhere, and the world has changed. But then I see a friend on Facebook posting about being called a faggot and ding! Back to square one. It’s a roller coaster.

I ask all of you that read this to please stop eating at Chick-fil-A for one year… or forever. I have an idea: Every time you start to crave Chick-fil-A, masturbate or have sex. Put something else in your mouth! It’s teaching yourself with positive reinforcement. You will be able to give up your devil chicken addiction in no time, and you can feel good about doing so. You can do it!

Now let me get a little helpful and reply to one of your letters.

Dear Cassie, I know you have a bunch of dogs, so I wanted to ask your advice on training my dog not to potty in the house. He is about a year-and-a-half old and still pees in the house when I am at work. I am sick of it, but I love my baby. What should I do? Thanks, Mark

Dear Mark, First I want to say I feel your pain. I have six dogs, and it has been a struggle to get them all trained. Five of them are boys, and they went through a phase of marking their territory, meaning that each one would hike his leg on the same table leg till I finally caught them in the act and put an end to it. I screamed; they jumped, and they finally stopped.

I also have a couple of questions. Does your dog have free range of the house while you are gone? If so, he shouldn’t. I believe in crate training until they are completely potty trained. You just have to make sure that they are not left in the crate for too long. Look into crate training; there are plenty of books and articles on how to effectively use it.

Dogs love a routine. If you keep your dog on the same schedule for when you take him outside, they will learn faster than if you have no schedule. I take my dogs out first thing when I wake up, even before I go pee myself. When training a pup, if they are smaller, pick them up as soon as you get them out of the crate or off the bed and do not sit him down until you are outside at the place you want him to potty. Then praise him like crazy once he potties outside. Positive reinforcement works better and faster than freaking out on them. Trust me — I learned that the hard way.

I don’t want anyone to think I’m some kind of dog whisperer, because I certainly am not. I can usually train a dog to sit in just a few minutes, but when it comes to other training stuff — I suck. One of my babies, an asshole named Toby, will not drink out of the flowing water bowl we have, and will only drink out of the water bowl if it is filled to the very top. He is scared of almost everything. Once his dog tag clinked against the ceramic water bowl and scared him, and now you would think the water bowl was a snake reared back to strike.

Bowls! The little fucker is scared of bowls. I have to feed him on a flat towel. He would rather starve to death than eat out of a bowl. He’s so weird. I swear I want to write Caesar Milan and ask him to fix my goofy little Chihuahua.

We have a Chow named Lucy that will put her front paws in the grass but pee on the sidewalk. Then have to hop over her own stream of piss like it is lava.

Then there is Benji, who growls and gets mad if you baby talk to him at all. One second you are petting him and all is good, the next second you call him a good boy, and he gets mad, growls at you and walks away pissed at the world. It makes no sense to me. Each one of my dogs is weird in their own way; they are all so different. It sure keeps life interesting. Good luck with training your baby.

Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous!

XOXO, Cassie Nova