Going old school when the Wi-Fi goes out
Hello friends and weirdos. I realized something this week: If the terrorists really want to hit us where it counts, all they have to do is take out our Wi-Fi. Then we will be rendered helpless, isolated and confused.
I woke up this past Wednesday morning eager to do a whole lotta nuthin’. I had a complete day off, and all I wanted to do was veg out in front of the TV under a blanket and enjoy the rain. Maybe have a bowl or three of Lucky Charms and snuggle up with the pups till dinner.
That did not happen. I woke up to no wi-fi, no cable, no nuthin’.
I spent a huge part of the morning on the phone with AT&T U-verse trying to figure out why they hated me so much. They don’t make the process very easy, either. First you have to yell into the phone an insane bunch of numbers and confirm a thousand things before you ever even get down to business.
And, of course, it is all automated — but the second you finally get to talk to a real person, the whole process starts over.
I was like, “Didn’t I just tell your automated system all of this information?” And “Brian” says, “Yes ma’am, but I need to verify your information once more, and then we will be on the way to figuring out why your shit ain’t working.”
I’m paraphrasing a bit.
Then “Brian” tells me, “Unplug some shit, wait 10 seconds and plug said shit in again.”
Nothing. Then he says that my router is out, and he’s gonna send me one in the next three to five days.
“Three to five days?!” I yell. “Oh hell no! I need this shit fixed a lot sooner. I can’t be home alone with just my thoughts that long.”
He said he could send out a repair man, but it would cost $99, and he couldn’t be there till tomorrow morning. I said, “That’s fine, I guess. I can go old-school for one 24-hour period.”
It would be fun, I thought, living like we were in olden times. Watching DVDs (remember them?), talking to my husband — you know, crazy shit like that. Very old school.
I hang up the phone with “Brian” and start my day in a completely different way. I made my lunch and sat quietly as I ate. I then cleaned the house and did laundry. I even got out some paints and did a little art project. I was so fuckin’ productive that I was kind of ashamed I don’t have that kind of day more often.
Oh, and that was only the first 4 hours of living without Wi-Fi.
Luckily, we had company that evening. Our good friends Tyler and Brandon brought over their new pug puppy to have a play date with our pups.
Nothing takes your mind off of not being able to binge some show like a house full of dogs running around and having a great time. Their puppy, Theo, is adorable and so much fun. Theo and our dogs immediately bonded and played enough to wear everybody out. There is no better dog than a worn out dog; sleepy puppies are the best.
We had dinner, and, after company left, we stepped into the past and plugged in the DVD player. Luckily, we had some DVDs here that we hadn’t watched. We have Season 1 of The Goldbergs and watched a few episodes of that. Then we watched the director’s cut of the ’90s horror classic Nightbreed. B.T. Dubs, the director’s cut added about 30 minutes of extra footage and is worth the viewing if you liked the movie.
The next morning, I get up way earlier than I ever do to wait for the repair man to come and save me from my thoughts. He gets there, walks in and sees two red blinking lights and says, “Your problem is outside the house.” He walks out and drives away; I was like, “What the fuck just happened?!”
He returned about 40 minutes later and told me that the construction crew that is working down the street cut our cable, and he is an inside cable guy, but what I needed was an outside cable guy. Long story short, my Wi-Fi was finally fixed about 5 p.m. that day. Luckily, I didn’t have to pay for anything, since it was an “outside” problem. Silver linings, I guess.
I know what you are all thinking: “What an interesting and fabulous life you lead.” Sorry, but this is what my week consisted of. Even famous drag queens — known for miles and miles, all over the North Texas area — have problems too. We really are … Just Like You.
Ok, now I am just being stupid.
Side note: I finally binged The Mandolorian. I loved it, but now I am feeling like I shouldn’t have binged it so fast. I should have watched one a week and made it last longer. I hate this feeling. On one hand, I love to binge watch shows. But when they are really great, I am left feeling like I miss it. On the other hand, I don’t have the self-control to not binge if it is available.
It’s the same feeling I get when I am reading a book that I love, and I start to get near the end. I try to savor the last chapters and even try to read slower to make it last just a little bit longer. It’s stupid, I know — the fabulous problems we have when the Wi-Fi is working. Thank you, Baby Yoda.
Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova.