Jaguar F-Type versus Mazda MX-5 Miata: Fashion, looks and style for all pocketbooks
MASCULIN, FEMININ | The classic contours of a Jaguar F-Type, left, ooze sex, but Mazda’s refashioned MX-5
CASEY WILLIAMS | Auto Reviewer
crwauto@aol.com
Jaguar’s E-Type is legendary as a pure and beautiful sports car that was the envy of auto-worshipping men and women during the ‘60s. Since then, Jaguar convertibles have been plush, flush and without enough rush. A smaller, sportier F-Type takes us back.
But for those who prefer salmon over steak, there’s the ever-cute, super fun and eternally-durable Mazda MX-5 Miata.
Discover whether you prefer your drop-top is the more dainty Miata or butch Jaguar.
Hails from:
MX-5: Hiroshima, Japan. This time, the A-bomb was dropped on Italy and Britain.
F-Type: Castle Bromwich, England — the sassy Brit without a spot on Absolutely Fabulous.
Glee character favorite:
MX-5: Kurt. He’s flashy and classy, with sweet pipes, but still a little princess.
F-Type: Sue. The wrath of her voice complements the punch in her fist, but deep down, we know she’s a pussycat.
MPGs:
MX-5: 21/28-MPG city/hwy. Slow down on those Lime-A-Ritas, baby.
F-Type: 16-20/23-28 city/hwy. Just because he’s expensive doesn’t mean he’s a pig.
Flipping its lid:
MX-5: 12s (folding hard top), or a quickie hand job with the canvas roof.
F-Type: 12s, and he can do it up to 30 MPH.
Weight:
MX-5: 2,447 pounds — staying trim to lure a him.
F-Type: Up to 3,671 pounds — apparently, already hitched.
Fully throttled:
MX-5: Takes 167 horsepower in stride, delivered by a 2.0-liter four-cylinder engine.
F-Type: Packing a full closet, owners choose between 340 or 380 horsepower supercharged 3.0-liter V6 engines or the full-scat 495 horsepower 5-liter supercharged V8 that sprints up to 186 mph.
Key body structure:
MX-5: Steel and love.
F-Type: Recycled aluminum cans, conveniently crushed by a bear’s head.
Top audio:
MX-5: Bose, seven speakers. Does anything beat Bose?
F-Type: Meridian, 12 speakers … and 770 watts! Put that in your “perfectly focused surround sound field” and luxuriate in it.
Favorite vice:
MX-5: Optional folding hardtop makes the idea of year-round driving more than fantasy.
F-Type: Configurable Dynamics program allows drivers to personalize vehicle performance and includes displays for lap timer and G-meter (no, not that G-meter).
Best transmission:
MX-5: 6-speed manual is shifter of the gods.
F-Type: 8-speed ‘Quickshift’ automatic with steering wheels ready for paddling.
Exotic dream:
MX-5: Shop for pumps, then drive through Austin Hill Country.
F-Type: Tear up new Circuit of The Americas, then pant over a petite fillet.
Troubled celeb most likely to drive it:
MX-5: Amanda Bynes — that bitch flips more wigs than any convertible princess bottoms.
F-Type: Paula Deen — Jaguars go with Savannah like shrimp and grits, all the better for kicking sugar in the faces of all who try to put her down.
Brand clarity:
MX-5: Poor confused little dear still don’t know if she’s an MX-5 or Miata.
F-Type: It’s a Jaguar. Look at those cats’ eyes, gaping oval mouth and sprung rear haunches.
Base price:
MX-5: Under $24,000 and a hell of a deal. If whores were this cheap, everybody would get one.
F-Type: You’ll think you bought the Chicken Ranch when you lay $69,000 for the base model, $81,000 for an S or $92,000 for the cluckin’ V8 S edition.
This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition September 13, 2013.