A billboard in Dallas promoting the 1979 March on Washington
As I find myself sliding into elderly curmudgeon status, I have been wondering what I will be remembered for after I move on and shed this veil. I am not so much worried what will happen to me; that is something that will remain a mystery until it happens. And I’m OK with that.
It’s the things and memories I will leave behind that have me ruminating. Unlike the current occupant of our White House, I can’t slap my name on a few buildings to assure a fleeting bit of immortality. So I am left to ponder what legacy I might leave behind.
Having been raised in the Jewish faith, I often heard a phrase used when people were consoling those who had lost loved ones: “May their memory be a blessing.”
I have a lot of friends who died both during the early days of the HIV/AIDS epidemic and others who died during COVID. Almost all of them are blessings to me when I recall them.
Those blessings come not from any physical remnants they left behind — although old photographs do still revive those memories. The real blessings come from how their words and actions affected my life and my development as a person.
I am blessed with memories of helping organize the First March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights alongside my friends Al Calkin, Ann Brown, Terry Tebedo and Bill Nelson.
I am blessed with the memories of John Thomas and Don Baker, who showed me how to use my energies to further the causes we all fought for. One artifact from that time still sits in my closet: a red phone that was the hot line for the March. It was connected to an answering machine in my apartment that gave detailed information to whomever called that number.
I have memories of working to get the billboards promoting that march erected in Dallas, the first time there was a billboard in Dallas promoting an LGBTQ+ event.
I am blessed with the memories of my friends Carmine Botto and Frank Gentry, two men who took me under their wing when I first joined the Dallas Motorcycle Club, back in 1980, and got my first “official” piece of leather: a club vest that now sits in the Leather Archives in Chicago.
That same year I hosted a couple of construction parties at my business where we built the booths for the first Cedar Springs Carnival which coincided with the Pride Parade that year.
We set up a Big Top in the parking lot of what was then Village Station and had games staffed by local organizations to raise funds and awareness. It was a lot of fun, and though it didn’t make a bunch of money, it gave folks a chance to experience some playful fun to go with the serious business of fighting for equality.
I am blessed with memories of my family who accepted their queer son unconditionally. I’ve written about them before, but it’s always good to recall them.
I am blessed with the memories of so many people who made my life richer, and I have been blessed with opportunities to do so many things in the professions in which I found myself.
There was my first post-college job working with my friends Paul and Doug on the Channel 39 version of The Bozo Show in the early 1970s. It was there I first ran a television camera and got experience in “live TV” and opportunity few people have. I even got time in front of the cameras playing a variety of characters, including the one pictured on this page!
That eventually led me to form a company with those two friends that would see me directing shows in theme parks and casinos across the country.
I even have memories of adventures outside this country, specifically in Mexico where I worked for a year with Televisa on a children’s show. And that experience later led me to become a director of television commercials here in this country.
So many blessings and memories!
Along the way I met the love of my life, Patrick, and we began collecting our own memories.That wonderful man is still with me, are we are continuing to create new memories every day.
Sharing a cup of coffee with Patrick on the banks of the Limpopo River in South Africa — those memories bless me daily!
So I guess whatever memories people keep of me when I’m gone are not really within my control. What I can do is try to live a life that gives back some of the blessings I have received.
In the end, I guess that is all any of us can really do, and not so much to secure our legacy, but to add to the overall good.
I firmly believe that the more good we bring to the world, the better things are for everyone.That’s the basis for most of the world’s great religions and philosophies. All the teachings of Jesus, Moses, The Prophet, Buddha, Confucius and others boil down to three simple truths:
Do good.
Cherish life.
Don’t be a jerk.
May that be the memory we all leave behind.