Don Gaiser’s apres-BTD soiree is more than mere fun — it’s an essential part of gay Dallas’ social (and fundraising!) scene
FASHION AND FUNDRAISING | With his stylish and exciting parties, Don Gaiser has been a leader in raising money for the Human Rights Campaign, DIFFA and other charities. (Terry Thompson/Dallas Voice)
ARNOLD WAYNE JONES
Executive Editor
Don Gaiser vividly remembers his first Black Tie Dinner in 1987.
“I was living in Tyler, but for some strange reason, I got on the Black Tie Dinner’s mailing list and got an invitation,” he recalls. “I had some friend who lived in Dallas [and bought a ticket at a friend’s table]. I really enjoyed it.”
He had no idea then that it would become a tradition. A year later, Gaiser relocated to Dallas, and attended his second BTD — again, as a guest of his friend. “The following year, I thought,
‘I know nine people — I’ll do my own table.’” To sweeten the deal, at the last minute Gaiser had an idea. “We decided to throw an after-party.”
That was in 1989. But from small acorns — “At the most, we had 40 or 50 people at that event,” he says — mighty oaks grow. 2014 will mark Gaiser’s 25th Black Tie Dinner as a table captain, and his 25th time hosting an after-party. And for many, the two are synonymous.
The dinner itself has grown. The original event, in 1982, was attended by few hundred people and raised about $6,000. Now, it’s attended by about 3,000 people and usually raises in excess of $1 million.
“It has come a long way,” Gaiser says, pausing to add, “… as has my after-party.”
Since 1987, Gaiser has only missed the Black Tie Dinner twice, including last year, when his work as an associate at McKool Smith mandated he attend an out-of-state trial just when the BTD was taking place. Although he bought (and sold) 15 tables, Gaiser was not among the guests. And of course, without him there, no “Don Gaiser after-party” took place.
“It felt like part of me was missing,” he says. “It is a lot of work — very time-consuming — but I enjoy doing it and people really seem to appreciate it. They have a good time.”
Last year, he realized what a tradition it had become. Not just a tradition, honestly; though not an official BTD event, “the after-party,” as everyone knows it, has become an essential element of gay Dallas’ social season — and a tremendous factor in the fundraising success of Black Tie.
It’s not just the tables that Gaiser fills (currently at $400 a plate, with 10 seats at each table, he adds literally hundreds of folks to the HRC family), but all the ancillary effects. And those effects were noticeable by his absence in 2013.
“For the first time in a decade, the dinner didn’t sell out,” Gaiser says, “and they raised less money than they had in years. And my friend at the Sheraton told me she sold 500 fewer rooms last year [than at previous BTD events.”
It isn’t that Gaiser is crowing about this; it’s the people involved who tell all this to him.
“I was told by some of the board members that they were interacting with Dustin Lance Black last year, and at some point he asked, ‘How can I get an invitation to this after-party?’ They said, ‘He’s not here this year. But how would you even know about?’ He said, ‘I’ve heard about it in L.A. for years,’” he says.
To many people, Don Gaiser has become the Black Tie Dinner.
He’d bristle at such hyperbole. First and foremost, Gaiser is a philanthropist with an abiding devotion to gay causes. In addition to BTD, he has been a longtime supporter of DIFFA, and can be frequently seen, bedecked in his flamboyant couture, at benefits for Resource Center, AIDS Interfaith Network and other charities. But BTD holds a special place for him.
“For people who have never been before, it really is an uplifting and entertaining experience of empowerment — you leave feeling good about yourself,” he says. “A lot of gay individuals, especially of my generation, grew up feeling like second-class citizens. That’s to a lesser extend now, but the first dinner I ever went to [changed that]. It’s now a time of celebration — it was more of a political event in the past, but as the LGBT community has made so many inroads, there are a lot of things to celebrate, and Black Tie has moved in a more positive direction.”
He shows his support in the most concrete way: By going all-out to make it a hit this year.
“When they confirmed I was coming back, they asked me to step up my game,” he says of BTD’s leadership. “This year, I have 20 tables” — his most ever — “and already have 16 full. Most people would fall over dead if they had four tables to fill, but I know I will. They haven’t announced the keynote speaker yet, which is the latest I can recall, but I know a lot of people who wait to find out who that is before committing.”
In fact, a good keynote address, in Gaiser’s mind, is the No. 1 factor contributing to the success of a dinner. “It really sets the tone,” he says. “In years past, we’ve had Ann Richards, Goldie Hawn, Geena Davis, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Lily Tomlin, Martin Sheen, Stockard Channing — obviously they are all different, and some are better than others, but they make a difference.”
So what, exactly, makes a mere party something that between 1,200 and 1,500 people attend every year? Much of the fame is due to Gaiser’s commitment to letting people enjoy themselves in every possible way.
First is getting a good facility.
“It’s a big event, and I have the biggest suite they have [at the Sheraton], it’s not big enough and doesn’t hold 1,200 — that’s a come-and-go number,” he says. (The hotel has in the past offered some of their smaller ballrooms to accommodate it, “but it loses its intimacy,” he says.)
“One year, I realized neither my secretary nor I had called the Sheraton to book the suite, and the dinner was almost sold out. I thought, ‘I’m gonna be hung out to dry.’ I called and they said, ‘Here’s your confirmation number.’ I asked how they had a confirmation. She said, ‘You have a standing order. If you want to cancel you can, but we reserve it for you every year.’”
Because many people generate substantial body heat, Gaiser adds air conditioning capacity to the suite; this year, six tons of cold air will help keep the event from becoming overheated.
Gaiser enlists a number of co-hosts who help sponsor the party, and the contribution “isn’t at a prohibitive level, so they have really liked doing it.” The event — entirely free — comes with an open bar, a DJ, a floral display (from Shane Walker), special effects (from Dallas Light & Sound), sexy dancers (this year, he’s hired eight men, including some flying in from out of town) and perhaps most importantly, exclusivity.
“Invitations don’t actually get distributed until a half-hour before the dinner,” he says. “And we have a doorman at the entrance — you can’t get in without a ticket.”
That doesn’t mean Gaiser is buddy-buddy with everyone who attends; quite the opposite.
“Every so often, I meet someone who will say to me, ‘We’ve never met, but we have been to your after-party for years,” he laughs.
Still, that’s exactly why Gaiser keeps throwing the party — people will attend and donate money and do good. Because Dallas’ BTD is the largest seated HRC-supportive event in the U.S. — and the only one that benefits both national and local charities — its continued health is a passion for Gaiser. So the after-party will continue, if only to benefit the needy in North Texas.
“In my world, BTD and DIFFA are the two main events in the gay community and benefit the most beneficiaries,” he says. And there’s no better way to donate than with a party.
“I was always brought up to give back to the community,” he says. “But rather than writing a check, I like to have fun at the same time. [BTD and DIFFA] do that for me. They are worthwhile events, but also you have a blast doing it.”
If you’re interested in attending Black Tie Dinner, which returns to the Sheraton Downtown Dallas on Nov. 15, and you want to get a seat at one of Don Gaiser’s tables — and perhaps snag an invitation to the after-party — email DGaiser@mckoolsmith.com.
This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition October 31, 2014.