Roni Coghill couldn’t have children of her own, but by hosting foreign exchange students she now has 6
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| Roni Coghill |
Roni Coghill learned early on that she would never be able to conceive and give birth to children. It was news, she said, that left her with "an empty place inside."
But now Coghill has six children she thinks of as her own, and her family is likely to keep growing. She is a host mother for foreign exchange students.
"When I heard about the program to host foreign exchange students [through the EF Foundation for Foreign Study], I inquired about it. It all happened very quickly, and believe me, it has been a life-changing experience," Coghill said.
Coghill took in her first foreign exchange student seven years ago, and has hosted six students since then. One was from Italy, and the other five were all from Germany, including her current "daughter," Sassi.
Coghill said she decided to focus only on students from Germany because it helps her keep in touch once their year of study here in the U.S. is done and they go back home.
"Each one of these kids is important to me, and I want to be able to visit them later," she explained. "I am only able to go visit every other year, and if they are all from different countries, then I have to make a hard choice about who to go see when I get the chance to go. But since all but one are from Germany, I don’t have to choose. I can go and see them all in one trip."
Usually, Coghill makes her biennial journeys in the summer, but her first trip to Germany was at Christmas. The student she was hosting that year was in the U.S. only for the first half of the school year, so she accompanied the student back home, she said.
This year, Coghill added, she is heading to Germany to visit her kids in July, and she expects one student will be coming back with her.
"My second kid comes back every year to spend most of the summer, and the rest have all come back to spend at least a week with me," she said.
Many LGBT individuals and couples might think that they wouldn’t be accepted as foreign exchange student host families because of their sexual orientation. With EF Foundation, Coghill said, that isn’t the case at all.
"A same-sex couple would have to have the approval of the student’s family to host a student, and a single man couldn’t host a female student. But for single people, being gay or lesbian isn’t an issue at all for EF," Coghill said.
"I am single, and I don’t really date much, so it really isn’t an issue for me," she continued. "But I make it an issue. I want that student and his or her family to know before I host a student that I am a lesbian.
"Once I pick a student to host, I fall in love with them, the way any parent falls in love with their child. And if they know I am a lesbian before they come here, but we make the agreement, I don’t have to worry about it being any kind of problem later. But if they don’t know before they get here, and then they find out and decide they don’t want to live with me because of that, then it would break my heart," she said.
Coghill said she has never encountered any resistance from the families of students she has hosted. In fact, she said, "the first boy I hosted, when we talked about me being a lesbian, he said that was one of the main reasons he wanted to live with me. He said all the gay people he had known were very nice, and so he thought I would be nice, too. They are a little more open-minded about things like that in Germany."
Coghill also had some advice for LGBT people — or anyone, for that matter — considering becoming a host family: Know what you’re getting into, and be prepared for everything.
"You have to go into it knowing that you are dealing with teenagers, and teenagers like to test boundaries and push buttons. You have to go into it expecting there will be times when things are all wonderful," she said.
But, she added, the advantages — the pure joy of sharing your life with these teenagers and having them share their lives with you — "is just so much greater than any of the problems you might have. It’s worth it, completely."
Some people might see hosting a foreign exchange student as a short-term commitment, like having a house guest for 10 or 11 months who will then leave and not really have any more impact on their lives.
But for Coghill, each hosting agreement is a long-term commitment, and each student becomes a member of her family.
"Once they’re in your house, they’re in your heart. And once they’re in your heart, they never leave," she said. "When I got to a reunion or see someone I haven’t seen in a long time, they’ll ask if I have any children. I tell them yes, I have six. It always gets me some funny looks, and then I explain.
"The thing for me is that these students and I, we choose each other. It’s not like I am their biological mother and they have to love me because I am their mother, or I have to love them because they are my children. We choose to love each other," Coghill said.
"This isn’t a love affair you’re born into. It’s one you choose. And it is wonderful."
For more information on hosting a foreign exchange student, go online to EFFoundation.org.
This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition May 7, 2010.
Wait a minute… isn’t EF Foundation the same outfit that placed an exchange student in a Kentucky home forcing the student to worship snakes? And isn’t this the same outfit that just made headlines in Arkansas, “Student’s nightmare over.” Last year, the treatment of several EF Foundation exchange students sparked the attention of Senator Sue Madison of Arkansas. And wasn’t it EF Foundation who placed the young man in Swiderski’s home in Ohio wherein Swiderski’s “thing” was to join his exchange student while in the shower? Google these stories to learn more and perhaps visit the Committee for Safety of Foreign Exchange Student’s website to learn how you can help to keep these kids safe.
There are several exchange programs throughout the country. EF, which also hosts immersion experiences for American youth, is one of those. EF has developed one of the strictest processes for family placement. Help make the experiences of youth better. Open your home and share your America.
The new federal regulations of the U.S. Department of State for 2010 will require fingerprint criminal background checks and other child protection measures. Host families need this information so they don’t get in trouble. These foreign teenagers are placed for the entire school year and deserve thorough screening of homes. Check out the new law and be informed. http://www.state.gov
Yes, it is awful how things can happen. I am with ISE and am very proud to be with this organization. I am the manager for PA and today we were given the new laws about the finger printing, etc. I was so happy to see this. I had to be finger printed to work at the 911 call center, to be a foster parent so why not to host a student. I sure hope this cuts down on bad families and they also are not going to allow families to be paid for this. It is strictly volunteer and they will be asking about wages so these students can be well taken care of. I have hosted 18 students, placed over 500 in the 16 years I have worked with Foreign Exchange and things need to change for sure. Having better laws are finally happening. The Scranto, PA problem last year hurt us a lot this year. I am so happy schools allow me in to tell them how we care and I send them references with other schools I work in so they can always call to see how we do. Thank God for those Area Representatives and Managers who do this because of their love for students and not the money. It is not a get rich job. I love my students and now is the time I am hating the most. My Danish girl will leave soon and it crushes my heart. Bless all of you families who take in students and care for them and those who work with students and do your best for their safety and well being. Hugs
Char, If you’ve been in the student exchange industry as long as you say; chances are you know just how “awful” things can happen, and how often they occur. Maybe you know a few horror stories of your own that didn’t make it to the media’s attention like the Scranton situation did. Many among the State Department and the Council on Standards for International Educational Travel (CSIET – Fox Watching the Hen House) should know that what happened in Scranton was really only a matter of the media finding out about it. And when they did… POW! Here came CNN to uncover that the State Department actually knew about it!! Please stop with the “Thank God” and the “Bless all of you families.” This ‘recruitment jargon’ is getting old. Focus on the federal regulations that were written to protect these young people.
Thank you to Roni and all the other good families who open their homes to foreign exchange students, no matter which organization. Federal regulations are getting more strict which will help keep out the bad families that can slip through the process.
I’ve hosted through EF as well and have had amazing experiences. Instead of complaining about how there are so many bad families approved, I’d encourage Karen and others to open up their homes to make sure there are even more good families for these students!
My husband and i live in Nevada and host two exchange students, both male. We are known as the “strict” family. I’ve found our country far less tolerant than other nations, and when we say we have liberty and justice for all, that is disturbing. The EF foundation should be commended for their willingness to acknowledge gay does not equal bad. I’ve worked with more youth than most parents, and have the education to provide an experience that is both didactic and fun. Our host students respect us for who we are and our willingness to offer them an opportunity that will enrich their lives.