Jason Mitchell Kahn was wedding planner for this couple married in Greenville, S.C. (Photo Red Apple Tree Photography)
DAVID TAFFET | Senior Staff Writer
Taffet@DallasVoice.com
Unlike many straight women who have been dreaming of their wedding day their whole lives, gay wedding planner Jason Mitchell Kahn said, gays and lesbians and transgender folks just haven’t. So they approach wedding planning with a fresh eye as well as with some child-like excitement.
In his new book, We Do: An Inclusive Guide When a Traditional Wedding Won’t Cut It, Kahn says the process is different with queer couples. Both brides or grooms get involved and are more likely than hetero couples to plan the wedding and make decisions together.
Kahn has been recognized for the imaginative weddings he’s staged. Not only has he been named one of the best wedding planners by Brides magazine, Playbill named him “Broadway’s Wedding Planner,” and he’s been featured in Vogue, the New York Times and People.
“My background was in theater,” Kahn explained. “When I first started planning weddings, I did weddings for several theatrical couples. Before I knew it, I had done 10 couples, and Playbill called and wanted to do a story.”
While his Broadway weddings have all been different, they have one thing in common: Each wedding took place on a Sunday evening after a matinee or on a Monday night when Broadway is dark.
Often those Broadway weddings include friends — performers and musicians — who perform, something, Kahn said, that makes those weddings like watching art just happen in real time.
Although some of his Broadway weddings have taken place in hotels in Manhattan or Brooklyn, Kahn specializes in staging events in unique settings. One was even staged in an underground speakeasy.
“People had to find the door,” he said.
Another wedding took place at a couple’s home in the Hamptons. That involved getting beach permits and portable bathrooms for the event.
On the West Coast, Kahn created a wedding for a couple who were friendly with the Disney family. He performed his magic by transporting guests into the world of Disney in the backyard.
In his Dallas wedding, Kahn said one of the grooms was obsessed with fashion. So the wedding party entered down a runway as if they were models in a fashion show.
In Port Jervis, N.Y., an old summer camp was transformed into a wedding venue that included a pool and kayaking.
“Most men just want to do something interesting,” the wedding planner said. “They haven’t been dreaming about this since they were children.”
So he said he tells them that, yes, we have traditions, but you don’t have to follow them.
Don’t worry about the cost, he encourages. Close your eyes and dream.
One couple told him, “We dreamed of getting married on unicorns.” That couple married on a carrousel.
For a couple of theater producers, Kahn hired upside down aerialists to perform at their reception. During their ceremony, their automated chuppah (Jewish wedding canopy) rose into the air.
FAMILY SUPPORT
“I come from a supportive family,” Kahn said. “That’s not the norm. So many don’t support these marriages.”
It was a sad fact that he learned that early in his wedding planning career, he said. A number of his clients had to go without their parents being there. Some parents left during the ceremony, he said, because it was too overwhelming for them.
All of that, he said was “so unfair to the couple getting married.”
On the flip side, Kahn said, he’s witnessed some full-circle experiences. He’s seen a number of skeptical parents watch the wedding planning process, and, by the time the wedding happens, they are ready to join the ceremony with their full love and support.
He said one of the most beautiful expressions of support was at the Dallas wedding he created: At the reception, one of the grooms danced with his father, who told him he loved him.
BRIDE’S DAY
For many heterosexual couples, Kahn said, a wedding is the bride’s day. But, “I work with both of [the people in the couple],” he said. “Both are invested in what the wedding looks like.”
Not everyone knows what to do. His job, Kahn explained, is finding what works for the couple. For some, that means getting rid of those very gendered titles of bride and groom because “That language doesn’t feel like them,” he said.
He’s had grooms wearing trains and brides wearing suits. To some couples, it’s just two people getting married. And that’s just fine, because all that’s required is a signed marriage license, he said.
Before marriage equality, Kahn said, everything was very heteronormative. Things have changed in the last decade.
And all the nonsense about offending the religious beliefs of cake bakers? Kahn said he’s thankful he hasn’t had any trouble with suppliers, but he’s heard many stories from wedding planners around the country who’ve had challenges.
And, he noted, since marriage equality became the law of the land, weddings for straight couples have become more imaginative. And that is a good thing.